


Limbo

by servicetopthor



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Banter, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Love Confessions, M/M, Magical Accidents, Masturbation, Matchmaking, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sexual Tension, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18877741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servicetopthor/pseuds/servicetopthor
Summary: “How shallow do you think I am? You’re king, Thor. If you look bad it speaks poorly of all of us,” Loki responded, ignoring the curious eyes of Hela and annoyed sigh from Valkyrie.“Right,” Thor stated, with an even wider grin. “I’ll make sure to sleep tonight.”“Why don’t you invite him to sleep in your bed?” Hela asked and the water in Loki’s mouth was suddenly sprayed all over the table.Loki stumbles upon Hela, who is not quite alive and not quite dead. In a cruel twist of fate, only he can see her. It would be alright without all the suggestive comments aimed at Thor.





	1. obsidian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While my track record isn't the best at WIPs, this is the first time I've had the foresight to write most of the second chapter before posting the first. Here we go again.
> 
> I've been devouring thorki fics of late, in between writing this. I actually started this last summer. That's when I wrote most of this chapter.
> 
> If you enjoy this, please let me know. Comments are so encouraging, as are Kudos.

Loki thought he found a healthy new rhythm of life on the Asgardian ship. His mornings were usually peaceful, he’d either stay in his quarters and read or explore the less populated parts of the ship. Some of it was old and rusty, barely holding together. Loki liked to reinforce what he could with magic. The ship needed to last them to Midgard.

By noon Loki would be in the largest room which functioned as a dining hall. Random tables and chairs scattered the room, it wasn’t nearly as magnificent as the golden dining hall that Frigga made sure was seasonally decorated. Loki couldn’t bring himself to miss it because their current set up was just as lively. Loki would eat, sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by Thor and his friends, sometimes accompanied by a group of Asgardians that for some reason liked him.

Loki savored the days he was able to eat alone and watch the interactions around him. He didn’t like the small talk that Thor would try to spark or the questions other Asgardians had for him. He much preferred to watch silently and gather information. Like, for instance, the fact that the former Valkyrie, Loki isn’t sure if anyone’s gotten a name out of her, kept making eyes at Sif’s sister, Sassa. He liked knowing things like that. It was good for any potential favors he might need in the future.

Afternoons and evenings were usually spent with Thor. There were many royal duties that Thor wasn’t very equipped to handle. He seemed to like to have Loki for a second opinion. Loki didn’t mind, most of the time. Thor was smart enough that most of his ideas were fine, Loki just had to streamline them. There were days where they had such different ideas or solutions it was hard to believe there were ever days they were on the same page.

On a few occasions, they’d come so close to battling that someone else had to break it up. Valkyrie or Heimdall usually played that part. Thor would storm out of the throne room with his fists clenched and Loki snaped at him while being physically held back from following him. But most days were civil and productive. Those days were awfully boring.

Boredom plagued Loki. He had gone from the lavish days as Odin to the excitement-filled parties on Sakaar to a metal box with little alcohol or room for mischief. The truth was that Loki didn’t want to cause to much trouble, not yet anyway. There were people still skeptical of Loki’s place on the ship. It was best to lay low, at least for a few more weeks. For now, he just had to lay low and not cause too much of a public fuss.

That would prove to be difficult.

At night, Loki didn’t have much of a routine. He might go to sleep early or take a seat at the bar a group of Asgardian men had set up. He liked to practice his magic at night. In space, there was no sun or moon light. The harsh fluorescent lights were shut off or dimmed routinely, signifying night time. Loki liked the atmosphere more for magic. When he did decide to practice some spells, he’d usually do it all night. The next day, Thor would comment on the bags under his eyes and tell him to go to bed early. Loki never really liked sleeping, but he was so bored he forced himself too more often than not.

Loki, on one boring day, decided to retire to his bed early. On the stroll to his room, through an empty hall with large windows to show off the stars, Loki made a discovery.

“Well, little brother Loki is here too,” a chilling voice said softly in the hall.

Loki whipped around to find the daunting figure of Hela, the Goddess of Death, leaning against a wall. “I must be going mad,” Loki said to himself. “This boredom is rotting my brain.”

“You can see me?” Hela asked, eyes glinting with surprise and amusement. She pushed herself off the wall and strutted towards Loki. “How fascinating, brother.”

“I am certainly no brother of yours,” Loki replied, conjuring knives in his hands.

“I suppose not, heir to Jotunheim.” Hela smirked at him as she approached. She noticed the knives he held. “I’m not here for a fight, though I’d like to see you try.” Loki threw a knife at her. As he expected, her hand moved to catch it but, to his surprise, it phased right through her hand and shoulder. “Such a shame, isn’t it?”

“Are you using magic?” Loki asked.

Hela shook her head. “Nope. I’m just walking somewhere in between life and death.”

“You asked if I could see you,” Loki recalled.

“You’re the only person on this ship that can, I think. Heimdall can sense me, but he can’t see me,” she said.

“And Thor?” Loki questioned.

“Nothing,” Hela sighed. “I even made a point to seek him out when he was in the bathroom.”

Loki stared at Hela silently. He blinked at her in hopes that she would disappear. Loki decided he must need sleep. He must need lots of sleep.

“Where are you going?”

“To bed. I’m obviously hallucinating,” Loki said, barely loud enough for her to here. She cackled in response.

\---

When Loki awoke, it was to a silent, empty room. He wandered to the shower. He made a point to pay no mind to the last night’s happenings. he exited the shower, grabbing a robe when a figure jumped out at him.

“Boo!” Hela shouted in Loki’s face. He scrambled backwards.

“You horrible witch!” Loki said as he steadied himself. His heart was suddenly beating fast and the relaxing shower felt like ages ago.

“Now that was the response I was looking for!” she laughed. Loki attempted to hit her, but his hand went right through her. “Play nice. I would think the God of Mischief would appreciate a prank.”

“I enjoy clever pranks. Anyone can jump out and say boo,” Loki said with a roll of his eyes. He walked back into his bedroom, with Hela trailing him.

“So what’s on Loki’s agenda?” Hela asked.

“Well, I’m going to get dressed, for one,” Loki answered, giving Hela an expectant look.

“Oh, fine,” she turned away. “I won’t peek.”

“So,” Loki began as he dressed himself. “Why are you here?”

“I was hoping someone would be able to help me with my current issue. I wasn’t expecting only a single person being able to see me. But, you are the most knowledgeable magic user on the ship, so perhaps I lucked out,” Hela explained.

“Why should I help you?” Loki asked.

“Why not?” Hela replied, one shoulder lifting in a shrug.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Loki muttered. “Alright, I’m dressed.”

“Splendid,” Hela said with a wicked smile as she spun around. Loki exited his bedroom, heading to the dining hall for breakfast. Hela, again, followed.

“Are you going to be my shadow today?” Loki asked, trying to convey his annoyance.

“You’re the only one I can talk to,” Hela said dryly.

“Yes, fine, but please don’t make me look like a complete loon,” Loki instructed.

When they entered the hall, Loki half-expected everyone to screech in horror at Hela. But no one paid any mind to the raven-haired woman standing next to Loki. She wasn’t lying then. Loki got his food and picked a spot in the corner, hoping no one would bother him. Breakfast wasn’t always part of his daily routine. He skipped it a lot, but today he didn’t want to be cooped up in his bedroom with Hela all morning.

“Do you have any clue what might be happening to me?” Hela asked, placing her chin in her hand.

Loki looked around to see if anyone was watching him. He shook his head at Hela. “I’ll have to do some research.”

“Research? How will you do that?”

“Some of the Asgardian scholars had the foresight to carry some texts with them. They weren’t able to save them all, we have a decent library abroad,” Loki explained.

“Wonderful. Hurry up and eat so we can go,” Hela encouraged with a wide smile. Loki wasn’t facing her as she said it. Thor and his friends were approaching his table. Loki gave Thor a strained smile as he waved at him.

“It’ll have to wait,” Loki said quietly.

Thor sat down next to Loki, in the seat Hela had been occupying. She huffed and moved to the other side of Loki, who tried not to laugh. Thor was accompanied by Heimdall and Valkyrie. Heimdall was staring at Loki with an odd look while Valkyrie had her usual grimace.

“Good morning brother,” Thor greeted. “Nice of you to show yourself for breakfast.”

“Morning,” Loki replied, favoring to eat instead of participating in a conversation with his brother. He half-listened to his brother, who was talking about his recent meeting some of the elders.

Loki debated pulling Thor aside and telling him about his Hela problem. There wasn’t much reason too. Magic and curses wasn’t a topic Thor was knowledgeable in. He wouldn’t be much of a help. Although, if Hela is plotting something Thor should know.

“Gods, can we please not listen to blondie talk nonsense? We have more productive things to be doing,” Hela said, interrupting Loki’s thoughts.

Loki threw her a sharp look. It would also be nice to have someone to complain to about his horrible sister. His less horrible brother is the only option that won’t get him sent to the healers.

“I was planning to lead a training session today with the new recruits, but I was asked to oversee the renovations on the upper deck as well as okay the building plans for the greenhouse. I would have time for both if I hadn’t already promised—“ Thor continued, but Loki tuned him out. He went on and on about how busy he was. Loki would love to be busy. Perhaps not as busy as Thor, who, Loki noticed, looked completely exhausted. Loki wondered if Thor was neglecting sleep as often as Loki was. Thor wasn’t a night owl like him. He suffered severely without a good night’s rest.

“Have you been sleeping?” Loki asked, ignoring whatever Thor was in the middle of saying.

Thor seemed surprised by the question. He hesitated before replying, “Not well, unfortunately,” he answered.

“Perhaps you should get something from the healers,” Loki advised.

“I’m fine, Loki.”

“Are you? Because you look terrible.”

Thor stares at him, a more honest smile appearing on his face to show his amusement. “Isn’t that a good thing? Me looking more terrible than you?” Thor mused.

“How shallow do you think I am? You’re king, Thor. If you look bad it speaks poorly of all of us,” Loki responded, ignoring the curious eyes of Hela and annoyed sigh from Valkyrie.

“Right,” Thor stated, with an even wider grin. “I’ll make sure to sleep tonight.”

Loki nodded in agreement and went for a sip of water.

“Why don’t you invite him to sleep in your bed?” Hela asked and the water in Loki’s mouth was suddenly sprayed all over the table.

“Are you okay, brother?” Thor questioned frantically, patting Loki’s back as he coughed. Loki could hear Valkyrie laughing as he stood and walked to the nearest bathroom.

He took deep breaths, willing himself to calm down before he did something stupid, like attack someone he couldn’t touch. Nor anyone could see. Loki could hear footsteps behind him.

“You know you were thinking it!” Hela called to him. Loki entered the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He stopped himself from smashing the mirror. He focused on cleaning his soaked garments.

Footsteps caught his ear again and Loki opened his mouth to curse out the Goddess of Death but found Thor standing in the doorway instead of his sister. Thor gave him a look. A look that suggested Loki was going mad and Thor was here to make sure he didn’t kill anyone. Loki huffed.

“I am fine,” Loki stated. His eyes shifted from his brother to the mirror in front of him.

“Are you? Because you look terrible,” Thor said in a mimicking tone before laughing. Loki laughed too, despite himself. “We’ll forever be terrible messes together, brother.”

“Speak for yourself,” Loki replied. “I just choked on a drink. _You_ are an insomniac.”

“Please, I know you’re hiding something from me.” Loki immediately opened his mouth to deny the fact, but Thor kept speaking. “Save your breath. I won’t pry. I’m far too busy for your mischief, so nothing too crazy, alright?”

“I promise,” Loki lied, knowing damn well he had no control over the current situation.

“Well, well, well. Isn’t this a lovely sight?” Hela’s voice rang out in the metal walls of the bathroom. Loki flinched minimally.

“Don’t you have something to be doing right now?” Loki reminded Thor.

“Ah! Yes! See you, brother,” Thor said before he rushed out of the bathroom leaving Loki alone with Hela.

Loki threw a knife at Hela as soon as the door closed behind Thor. It went right through her and stuck in the wall behind her. She chuckled at the action.

“Now, can we please get along with the whole figuring out what my problem is thing?” Hela asked as she strided toward Loki.

“Did you just say that so you could get me alone?” Loki asked back.

“Yes. And no. I like seeing you squirm.”

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Let’s go to the library, you horrid witch.”

\---

Loki spent all day reading books full of curses and stories of the dead coming back to life. Nothing was close enough to Hela’s situation. There was nothing about people coming back as a non-corporeal being only seen by one unlucky soul. Loki tried some of the spells he found, but nothing helped.

Hela sighed after another attempt to pick up the book in front of her. “Perhaps this is hopeless,” she said.

“There’s plenty of spells in these books we can try,” Loki stated as he stacked a few books.

“What’re you doing?” Hela asked as she watched him.

“Taking these to my room. A group of children come here before dinner to read,” Loki replied.

“Ah. Can’t be talking to yourself in front of the children.”

“Can’t be talking to myself in front of anyone. My reputation among the Asgardians isn’t as pretty as I’d like it to be,” Loki explained. Hela followed him as he walked out of the library carrying a tall stack of books.

“Right, right. Impostering the king and attempting to enslave a neighboring race doesn’t sit well with the Asgardians, does it?”

“Like you should talk,” Loki muttered. He rounded a corner and promptly ran into someone. His books tumbled to the ground. Loki bent down to pick them up and threw on apology to whoever he ran into.

“There you are, brother! I’ve been looking for you.” Of course it was Thor. “Are you coming from the library? I was just heading there to see if you were.”

“What do you need, Thor?” Loki requested. He managed to get all of the books back in his hands.

Thor grabbed most of the books from Loki grasp. “I was hoping you’d join me for dinner. I have some building plans for the greenhouse to approve, but I’d like you to look over them before I do.”

Loki began walking the path to his room again and Thor met his pace. “I was planning to do some more reading tonight, but I suppose I can make time for dinner.”

“Good,” Thor replied with a grin. “What’s with all the books?”

“Just doing some light reading,” Loki responded dryly.

“About… ‘The Immortal Rabbit and Other Strange Magical Accidents?’” Thor asked, reading the title of the top book on his pile.

“Yes,” Loki replied shortly. “Magic is full of strange happenstances. I find them interesting.”

“Do have any books that would be good for some bedtime reading? Jane could never fall asleep without reading. I think it might help calm my mind,” Thor chatted as they approached the private conference room. Loki threw out a few suggestions as they entered.

The small room held a sturdy table and mismatched chairs. One wall was entirely glass, facing the wide expanse of the galaxy. The rest were rusty and plain. The room was used by Thor whenever he wanted to speak to his closest friends. Loki and Thor had eaten in there on a few occasions, typically to resolve a conflict between them without the eyes of the others on them.

There was no conflict today. Perhaps Thor merely wanted some peace from the others but did not want to be alone. Loki knew Thor despised being alone.

So it was just the two of them facing each other at the table. Well, not just them. Hela sat next to Loki, silently watching her brothers. It was unsettling. It almost felt familial have Hela with them. Almost. She still had a devious look that Loki knew all too well.

Loki debated telling Thor about her again. He opened his mouth but was stopped by the relaxed look upon Thor’s face. Loki hadn’t seen that look in a while. He closed his mouth to think of something else to fill the silence with.

“So where are the plans?” Loki finally asked.

Thor waved his hand at the question. “Later. Let’s eat first.”

A minute passed before a servant came with their food. They began to eat, Thor keeping the conversation light and humorous. Loki did his best to listen, really, but his mind wandered to solving Hela’s predicament.

Perhaps he should look through Mother’s things. She had a knack for tricky curses. She might even find some scrolls alluding to Hela. Yes, that’s what he’d do. Along with the stack of books currently sat near Loki, on the very chair Hela was pretending to occupy.

Loki glanced at her. She was watching Thor with a thoughtful gaze, clearly plotting something. Loki wondered what the best ending to this whole thing would be. He could finally send Hela to her grave or find some way to bring her back to the land of the living and lock her up for good. Loki smirked at the thought of putting Hela in those same awful handcuffs Thor had put him in years ago.

“Loki?” Thor asked, grabbing his brother attention.

“Yes?” Loki replied with an easy smile.

“That’s the third time I’ve repeated your name. What’s got you so distracted?” Thor questioned with a curious grin.

Loki stared silently at Thor’s eyepatch for a moment. He shook himself before answering, “Oh, just the books I plan to read. My apologies, what did you need?”

Thor pointed to the scroll he had laid out on the table. “I was wondering how much of the greenhouse we could dedicate to a flower garden. I know it’s not practical but I miss walking through Mother’s garden,” Thor admitted, his blue eye soft as he gazed down upon to the drawing.

Loki had to look away from Thor and down at the scroll. He felt his heart twist at Thor’s wistful expression. “Yes… I think a flower garden would be nice. I could help tend to it,” Loki offered. He was sure his expression matched Thor’s.

Thor cleared his throat before starting again, “I was also wondering if you could help with the lights and…”

Loki listened this time. He kept his eyes focused on where Thor pointed to on the blueprints. He offered advice and help when necessary. He ignored Hela’s snapping comments. If Thor noticed any more spacey behavior from Loki, he did not comment on it.

Loki did get distracted eventually. As his eyes watched Thor’s finger trace the aqueducts of the greenhouse, Loki noticed a healing cut on one of his knuckles. Without much forethought, Loki grabbed his hand to take a closer look.

Thor cut himself off, giving Loki a questioning look.

“What happened?” Loki asked as he examined the cut. He felt sudden embarrassment at his actions. Thor’s hand was warm and heavy in his. There was a time when Thor’s hands were always touching him in familial affection. Patting his shoulder, rubbing his back, grabbing his hand to pull him up from the ground. When annoyed, he’d press his hand to Loki’s mouth. When happy, he would hug him tightly. When sad, he would do the same. When angry… well, Loki deserved most of the bruises he gained.

“Sparring with Val… I barely noticed it,” Thor replied with a shrug.

Loki placed one of his hands over the cut. He whispered a healing incantation and watched his hand glow. When he pulled it away, the cut was gone.

Thor smiled. “Thank you,” he said, his voice low and soft.

He didn’t pull his hand out of Loki’s grasp. Loki sat transfixed by the gentle gaze of Thor. He wasn’t sure why this felt so intimate. He had fixed countless wounds of Thor’s, some in even more compromising areas. Still, Loki felt the heat of uneasiness flood his veins.

“You look like you want those hands all over you,” Hela’s voice cuts through the serenity of the moment like a knife. The warmth left Loki, leaving only the coldness of disdain. He threw a quick glare at Hela, who was lounging next to him with a sneer.

Loki stood swiftly, earning a confused look from Thor. “I’m going to retire to my room, if we’re done here?”

Thor nodded slowly. His eyes were searching Loki’s for a clue at the reason for the sudden shift. “Sure. I’ll walk with you.” Thor picked up Loki’s books.

Loki walked in between Odin’s children, feeling the gaze of both of them burning into him.

\---

Loki was writing down an interesting spell he’d come upon when Hela made a sudden statement.

“Tell me what happened to Frigga,” she blurted. Loki turned to see a haunting expression on her face. One of sadness and regret. It was an expression Loki had never seen on her, the Goddess of Death.

“It was a few Midgardian years ago,” Loki started, the words feeling like a lie. It wasn’t, of course, it was true. But it deceived how much had changed, how it felt like a lifetime ago.

“No, I know when. I sensed it when it happened,” Hela replied, clearly trying to suppress the sorrow in her voice. “How? Why?”

Loki frowned. “It’s… a long story involving the Aether and Thor’s former Midgardian lover,” he answered instead, because he really, really want to dredge up those memories.

Hela scoffed. “He dated a Midgardian? Oh very Thor of him. Was it the green one?”

It took Loki a moment to understand that Hela was talking about the Hulk. He barked out a laugh. “No, no! Her name was Jane. She was apparently very intelligent for a Midgardian. I never really understood what he saw in her.”

“Jealous much?” Hela teased with a grin. Any hint at humanity in her was gone, replaced by her usual wickedness.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” Loki scoffed, letting his frustration seep into his voice. “I’ll be glad to revive you only to kill you again.”

Hela smirked. “What was it that Mother used to say? _Listen to people when they are angry, that is when the real truth reveals itself.”_

Loki shot her another glare, proverbs be damned.


	2. silver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received some lovely comments on the previous chapter that made posting this second one worthwhile. I hope you enjoy this one too. It's a fun one, with a bit of feelings at the end. 
> 
> Oh, and I changed the summary. Let me know if you think it's too long. I wasn't happy with the former one.

Loki’s hands glowed a vibrant purple as he cast the spell towards Hela. She stood perfectly still, eyes watching as the light traveled near her. The light faded and Loki reached out for Hela. His sister did the same, but their hands went right through each other’s.

“Damn,” Loki stated, biting his lip. “I thought that one would work.”

“You keep saying that. Do you really believe it?” Hela questioned with an unimpressed stare.

“I believe everything I say,” Loki replied with a righteous voice. “Then make the world around me conform to make it true.”

Hela let out a wicked laugh. “Oh brother, we would have been unstoppable together.”

Loki did not expect the smile he found his mouth forming. She was insane, he knew that, but what she said was true. He knew that too. “Such a shame,” he said and almost meant it.

They decide to try to say spell again because, really, it should have work. This time the light was bluer. The light swirled around Hela in a rather dramatic way. Before Loki can reach out toward her, his ears hear familiar stomping.

Thor entered Loki’s room with zero hesitance. His expression was determined. “Loki,” he stated firmly, earning his immediate attention.

“What is it, brother? Is something wrong?” Loki questioned, eyes wary at the serious line Thor’s mouth was pressed in to.

“I have… something I need to discuss with you,” Thor replied, a slight nervousness to the words.

“Fire away,” Loki replied, attempting to be casual.

“Heimdall says you’ve been talking to yourself a lot. He fears you might be… crazy. More crazy than usual. Or communicating with someone with your magic,” Thor accused with reluctance. “I was hoping you would spill whatever secrets you are keeping from me.”

Loki kept his expression neutral as he quickly went over his options. He couldn’t tell Thor the truth, no, there was no need to get him involved yet. Loki had the situation perfectly under control. And like he explained earlier, Thor was far too busy to have to worry about his elder sister again.

He could deny any suspicious behavior. But, well, it was his fault for not shielding himself from Heimdall. He did most of the time, but Hela would often strike up a conversation when Loki did not expect one.

Loki clenched his jaw before stating, “I’m afraid I’ve picked up an old habit, brother. You remember when I used to drive Mother and Father mad with all my outward ramblings?”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Loki did have a manic few years as a child where he would talk to himself.

“You’re hiding something from me, Loki. I intend to find out what,” Thor countered, his boots thumping as he stepped forward.

Loki glared, which was an admission in its own way. “You and Heimdall are paranoid. I have nothing to hide, brother.”

Thor stood as close to Loki as he would allow before he would back away. “Who are you communicating with?” he asked, his patience clearly waning.

“No one!” Loki snapped. His fingers itched for a knife.

“You’re planning to leave, aren’t you?” Thor falsely inferred. “You’re talking with someone on Sakaar or Norns knows where! You’re going to run off again!”

Loki was taken aback. He supposed he should have expected this sort of anxiety from his brother, but he honestly thought he suspected an elaborate assassination plot or something equally ridiculous and mischievous. “Thor…” Loki sighed, all of his frustration disappearing.

Thor’s eye shined a bit. “We’ve lost everything. I’ve lost everything. And you insist on leaving—”

Loki placed a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, brother,” he said, mustering up all of his sincerity.

Thor’s stressed shoulders finally relaxed. He blinked several times. “I’m sorry…” he breathed.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Loki assured him. “You have every right to question me.”

Thor gave him a small smile, which felt like a victory in Loki’s chest. Suddenly, Loki was enveloped by Thor’s arms. “Thank you,” he whispered into Loki’s hair.

Loki kept his arms at his side as Thor hugged him. He could feel Thor slightly shaking, Loki wasn’t sure if it was from relief or sorrow or…

A pile of books clattered to the floor. Loki and Thor both turned to see what caused it. Only Loki could see Hela standing over the clutter with a bright grin. Loki suppressed his own joy. It appeared Hela could now interact with the world around her. That was good. That was progress. That was also rather frightening.

Thor didn’t question what caused the books to fall, thankfully. He turned back to Loki, who had retreated back a few steps to prevent another tight hug. Thor met Loki’s gaze. Loki winced even before his question was uttered. “So what is it you are hiding, if not plans to leave?”

Loki needed a clever lie. He needed a distraction. He needed… His hand twitched when the idea came to him. He let out a labored sigh, signally a false defeat. Thor brightened, waiting for Loki to reveal his secrets.

“I was going to wait until we got to Midgard,” Loki allowed as he waltzed over to a storage cabinet in his room. Inside, he found a golden vial. He snatched it up and walked over to Thor. “Hold out your hand.” Thor eyed him but did as he asked. Loki placed the vial in his grasp.

Thor raised an eyebrow at Loki. He held the vial closer to his good eye, reading the small words carved into the vial. Joy crept over his features. “Loki, this is…”

“Amazing. Awe-inspiring. The best thing that’s ever happened to you,” Loki supplied. “Drink it.”

Thor laughed before pulling the stopper from the vial. He gulped down the golden liquid with little fanfare. His head began to glow and Loki had to shield his eyes from the piercing yellow light. When it ceased, Thor stood with a wild mane of hair tumbling down to his shoulders.

Hair-growing potions. A particularly luxurious one Loki had picked up a long while back. At the times he had grand plans for it, but those were now gone. So he made the sudden decision to spontaneously gift it to Thor, playing it up as if it was a precious thing he’d kept hidden from Thor.

Loki laughed, because Thor was thoroughly distracted and also quite ridiculous looking. His hair was unstyled and wild and shining like the finest gold silk. Thor laughed too, spurred on by Loki’s near hysteric giggle.

It was all going so well. Normal and relaxed and — _most importantly_ — with Loki in control of the situation. But then his whimsey led him to reach up and push back one of Thor’s new strands behind his ear. As Loki’s finger traced the back of Thor’s ear, securing the strand in its place, he felt a small tremor in Thor.

Thor was gazing down at Loki with such focus, as if he was trying to commit this moment to memory. “Thank you,” he proclaimed. His voice was low and gentle, like the hum of the fan that Loki slept to on this awful ship. Relaxing, coaxing, mesmerizing…

Loki looked away from Thor and retracted his hand. “You’re welcome,” Loki recovered. “Don’t let any creepy old men chop it off again.”

Thor grinned, but his eye was now guarded. “Of course.”

Loki’s eyes wandered the room to keep them away from Thor. He happened to meet eyes with Hela, who was lounging on a chair and looking very pleased. “I’d say something sarcastic,” she began. “But your face speaks for itself.”

Loki felt his face heat up. He cleared his throat and focused back on Thor, although pointedly staring at his eyepatch. “You should go find yourself a nice maiden to trim and braid your new mane.”

“You won’t?” Thor teased.

Loki put on a dramatic gawk. “What? A magic potion is not enough charity from your dear brother?”

Thor chuckled. “Alright, fine. I’ll leave you alone to talk to yourself some more, you loon.” He sauntered toward the door, giving Loki a goodbye wave and smile.

“No, Thor!” Hela shouted, reaching out towards the door. “You must stay and bed me! I want to tangle my fingers through your hair!”

Loki turned to her and, once he was sure Thor was out of earshot, replied, “I thought you said you weren’t going to say something sarcastic.”

\---

Loki spent the evening testing out the effects of his successful spell on Hela. She could interact with inanimate objects but could not touch Loki. Thankfully.

“How much longer until you’ve got this whole thing figured out?” Hela questioned while she fiddled with one of Loki’s quills.

“I’d say another few days,” Loki answered.

“I see…” Hela replied as if she was accepting a challenge.

\---

There were so, so many differences between Thor and Loki. One of the most prominent differences was Loki’s graceful subtly and Thor’s bumbling obviousness.

“Thor,” Loki gritted out after bumping into his brother for the fourth time that day. And it wasn’t even noon.

“Loki!” Thor greeted with a light smile. “The morning still treating you well, I presume?”

Loki, who had been watching warriors fight in the training room, was on his way back to his room to change into some more battle-ready gear. He wanted a round with the Valkyrie. She was a good foe. Clever, strong, and not as painfully obvious about his next move as Thor.

“You’re following me,” Loki stated. The accusation hung in the air for a moment before Thor fiddled with the front of his armor.

“No, I’m not,” Thor denied with faux causality that wouldn’t fool a child.

“Yes, you are,” Loki replied, feeling quite a bit like a child.

On the first day Hela appeared, Thor seemed perfectly fine with Loki keeping his secrets. Whatever Heimdall said to him must have truly worried him. Hela wasn’t even around now, off galavanting somewhere else. Thor wouldn’t catch Loki speaking to ghosts.

Perhaps Loki should be curious to know Hela’s whereabouts. Or concerned. He couldn’t bring himself to care, even if she could throw stuff at people now. Loki hated most of the people on this boring ship anyway.

Thor’s hands then fiddled with one of his new braids. Loki smiled. His brother looked much better with a fuller head of hair.

“Don’t think I don’t know a distraction when I see one,” Thor warned as his fingers combed through his golden hair.

Loki smirked. “You have grown quite a bit smarter these past few years, haven’t you?” The question tumbled from his lips playfully, as if it wasn’t a deeply troubling revelation.

“Or your getting dumber,” Thor teased.

Loki lifted an eyebrow. “I think that’s a bit harsh,” he responded.

“Where are you off to?” Thor asked, his curiosity revealing itself again.

“Off to change,” Loki disclosed. He made a sharp turn in the hall to throw Thor off. Thor dutifully followed with minimal stumbling over his big feet. “The Valkyrie promised me a good fight.”

“Aye, and a good one it will be. I’ll have to watch,” Thor said as they stopped in front of Loki’s door.

“Well of course,” Loki began. “Your eye has not left me all day.” He backed into his room, watching Thor’s face morph into an amused, nearly smug expression. Loki shut the door in his face.

He took his time changing. He knew Thor was waiting for him on the other side of the door. Damn him for thinking Loki would let him follow him around all day. He’d sneak away eventually. For now, he’d indulge Thor. Speaking of which, Loki could use another distraction for his nosy brother.

“Thor?” Loki called through the door.

“Yes?” Thor’s voice was muffled by the metal door.

“Come in here,” Loki said, flicking his wrist to unlock the door.

Thor stepped into Loki’s room. He walked over to where Loki was sat, huddled over his boots as he secured them. “What do you need?”

Loki handed Thor a hair ribbon. “Be a dear?”

The cloud of suspicion surrounding Thor finally dispersed. He moved so he was behind Loki and gently pulled back his dark hair. Loki was notoriously finicky about letting others touch his hair. As a child, he would only ever let his mother. On rare occasions, he’d let Thor run a comforting hand through it when he was in deep sorrow or self-pity. Thor always seemed to enjoy those peaceful moments of comfort.

As Thor secured Loki’s hair in a half-ponytail, Hela appeared in the doorway. She watched them silently, leaning against the door frame. Her gaze was chillingly neutral.

“You know, brother,” came Thor’s soft voice from behind Loki. His fingers trailed along Loki’s nape. “The more you do to distract me, the more curious I become.”

“Who said anything about distractions?” Loki questioned, his eyes still locked on Hela, who was now smirking. Thor chuckled, the sound suddenly close to Loki’s ear. Too close.

Loki stood, trying to make the movement fluid and regal, not panicked and shaky as he felt. Thor stood on the opposite end of the chair, silently staring at Thor as Hela did a moment ago.

Hela was suddenly at their side, looking between the two of them. “Aw, look at him,” she cooed as she sized up Thor. “He thinks it’s a game.”

A game. Of course, that’s what it was. Brotherly competition, as it always had been between them. A game of cat and mouse, Loki twisting out of Thor’s grip with his flair for distractions. It did not matter if the cat before him was a lion.

Yes, Loki would play this game. He would rise to the challenge as he always did. And he would win.

\---

“Oof!” Loki breathed as he dropped to the floor in defeat.

“You lose!” Valkyrie cheered as she stood above him. She offered Loki a hand, who excepted it with a grimace. She pulled him onto his feet. Loki groaned at the movement. It wasn’t only his ego that was bruised.

Thor let out a humored shout, loudly clapping his hands from where he stood on the sidelines. He had watched their fight closely, egging both of them on equally. Loki huffed when Thor approached them, pat both of their back. “You are both fierce warriors! I am lucky to have you at my side!” he exclaimed.

“Damn right,” Valkyrie replied, glowing in her victory.

“You’d be roaming the halls of Valhalla without us,” Loki muttered. He stretched his limbs, shaking out any residual pain he felt.

Thor gave Loki a grin before shifting his focus to Valkyrie. “May I have a round?”

“Of course, your majesty.”

Loki stalked off as they began to throw swift punches. He could finally have some peaceful minutes away from his brother’s gaze. Loki let his mind wander about the books he knew were stacked in his room. Which should he read next? Which held the secret to solving Hela’s curse?

The more time Loki spent with Hela, the more the magic surrounding her reached for him. He hadn’t noticed it immediately, but Hela had an aura of deep and powerful magic. Someone else’s magic. Ancient magic that soothed Loki instead of alarming him.

Not unlike his mother’s, Loki allowed himself to reminisce. He really ought to—

“Loki!” a voice called out.

Loki turned in the hall to find Korg standing there, desperately trying to regain his breath. Loki stared impatiently, waiting for the cause of the commotion.

“It’s— He— Hurt—” The rugged creature could not form words between his breaths.

Suddenly, Hela was at his side. Her eyes were wide as she said, “It’s Thor!”

Loki’s eyebrows pulled together. Hela ran off again, heading towards the room Loki had just left. He did not wait for Korg to get the words out of his mouth before he followed his sister.

In the training room, Loki was greeted to the sight of his brother lying on the ground. A small pool of blood was at his side, as was the kneeling Valkyrie.

“What happened?” Loki demanded, the words coming out far more harsh than he intended. Thor was fine, he had suffered worse inflictions. Loki knelt at his side, eyes drawn to the deep cut in his stomach.

“I don’t know!” Valkyrie worried. “It was like the sword lept from my hand!”

Loki’s eyes snapped up to Hela, who gave him a wink. What was she playing at here? Was she simply angry at Thor?

“I’m okay,” Thor grunted, one eye screwed shut. “I’m okay.”

Loki’s hands went to work. He carefully removed his brother’s armor and tunic. His wound was now on full display. Loki clasped both hands over the wound. His fingertips rested against Thor’s abs, which tremored around the touch. Loki let his magic flow into Thor. He felt it stitching up the wound and sealing it shut. After a moment, Loki moved away his hands to find the cut gone.

He let out a shaky sigh as Thor murmured, “Thank you.”

Loki ran his hands over Thor again, ridding Thor’s body and the floor of his blood. Thor sat up once Loki once finished.

“Are you alright?” Loki asked, unable to hold back his honesty.

“Yes,” Thor assured. “Of course.”

\---

Thor was at Loki’s side for the rest of the day. Even as Loki sat silently in his room, searching through the books for hidden knowledge.

Loki couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by it. For now.

\---

The next day, Loki located an aged journal that once belonged to his mother. In it, he found a spell very similar to the one Loki cast to allow Hela to interact with objects.

“Can’t we go find Thor?” Hela asked as Loki stood from his desk chair. “We’ve been in here all day. I want to stab him again.”

“You won’t be stabbing anyone again,” Loki responded. “Or I won’t be helping you.”

Hela barred her teeth at him. “Please, you wouldn’t care if I stabbed a peasant. You just care about your precious King Thor.”

Loki kept his gaze even. It seemed to further frustrate the Goddess of Death. She lunged at him, an empty wine glass in hand.

Loki dodged her attack and cast the new spell on Hela. Orange light spiraled around her. It exploded magnificently as Loki looked on in amazement. Hela fierce glare held as the magic subsided.

Suddenly, Loki found himself pressed against a nearby wall. Hela’s hand was gripping his throat. He struggled the breath, remarking that perhaps he shouldn’t have cast this particular spell while she was angry.

Loki coughed, calming himself enough to transform. Hela was no longer choking Loki against a wall, instead it was Frigga. Hela’s eyes widened and let go of the throat she was choking. Loki transformed back into himself when he hit the ground.

“Don’t do that!” Hela growled.

“Don’t choke me!” Loki jeered. His hands soothed his neck, willing himself to breathe normally again.

Hela paced back and forth. Her eyes were wild as she did so. Loki prepared himself for another attack. None came. “Perhaps I should not have choked you,” Hela said in a tone that bordered on apologizing.

“Perhaps,” Loki mimicked.

“I feel so restless,” Hela admitted. She doesn’t seem like she was talking to Loki anymore. “I cannot take this anymore.”

“I’m close,” Loki assured, reaching at to place a hesitant hand on his sister’s shoulder. Her focus snapped to him once again. “I know it.”

Hela’s eyes moved past Loki. “I hope so.”

\---

Loki was sat sideways in his chair, letting his legs dangle over the arm. He was stuck in a boring meeting Thor had dragged him to. An old man with a nasty scar on his neck was droning on and on about _trade_ and _agriculture._

As Odin, Loki had placed a ban on meetings like this. He hated them with all his powerful might.

“What do you think, Loki?” Thor asked when the man posed him a question.

“Currently? I’m thinking about curling up in my bed with a nice bottle of wine,” Loki replied, letting his irritation pour out.

Thor’s face hardened. “You could at least pretend to pay attention. You do love pretending, don’t you?”

“Only for personal gain, brother,” Loki answered. “And I have nothing to gain from that shriveled—”

Thor did not let him finished. “Everyone out!” he demanded, his fists clenched at his sides.

Loki flashed a grin. He jumped up from his seat and moved to go to the exit, but a hand yanked him backwards. He came face to face with an agitated Thor.

“Not you,” Thor snapped.

“What do you want?” Loki challenged.

“You have no right to speak to my council like that,” Thor stated. His voice was deep, as it was while anticipating a fight with a mighty foe.

“You have no right to drag me here. You can’t watch me all day, every day, Thor,” Loki argued. He squinted up at Thor, readying himself for a battle.

“If you would just tell me—”

“I will tell you nothing, brother. Get that through your thick-fucking-skull—”

Loki was pushed forward violently. At first, he thought Thor had pulled him. But by the surprise on Thor’s face as he steadied his brother, and the dull feeling of something pressed into Loki’s back, he knew that was not the case.

Loki clutched at Thor’s chest to balance himself.

“Are you okay?” Thor asked, his voice quiet now. His eye searched Loki and the room around them, trying to figure out what caused him to fall forward.

“Sorry, lost my footing,” Loki lied. It was a poor excuse. Unlike Thor, Loki rarely tripped over his own feet.

Loki could see that Thor didn’t believe him. Still, he didn’t question it aloud. “No, I’m sorry. I lost my temper,” Thor stated instead.

“I was being a dick,” Loki admitted.

“You were,” Thor agreed. “But if I got this angry every time you were being a dick, I’d never have another happy day in my life.”

Loki smiled, his eyes flitting up to Thor’s before moving to where Loki’s hands touched Thor’s armor. Loki could feel a familiar tremor in Thor. Electricity flowed through him with such intensity while Thor visibly restrained the power that their spat had caused.

Loki took a step back, feeling utterly ridiculous.

Thor didn’t say anything. He waited for Loki’s response.

“I…” Loki started. Thor’s gaze was so focused on him and Loki could still feel the small sting of electricity, despite the step between them. He ignored what Thor’s look was telling him. He ignored the twitch in his lips.

Hela appeared behind Thor. Her expression was not amused, it was deathly serious and…

That frightened Loki even more.

Loki turned on his heel and left. Thor stood stately and silently, when Loki through one last glance his way.

That frightened Loki even more.

\---

Hours passed until Loki saw Hela again. It was strange. Her time away from Loki was increasing. Loki couldn’t bring himself to care, couldn’t bring himself to think about anything other than the journal in front of him.

It was another one of his mother’s journals. Newer than the last, but still held writings that were from long before Loki’s time. It was a soothing sight, his mother’s gentle writing. It allowed him to pay no mind to the ache in his chest.

When Hela did show herself again, it was the dead of night. Loki ignored her as she began to push over his things to gain his attention. He hummed casually, flicking to the next page.

“Loki,” she finally stated.

Loki froze, then slowly and carefully turned in his chair to meet her eyes. “It won’t work,” he said, allowing no context for the statement.

“What? The spells?” Hela questioned in faux ignorance.

“Your schemes. Your plotting. Your stabbing and pushing.” Loki felt tired. He felt exhausted. He felt drained.

Hela strutted forward, holding his gaze. “Why would I—”

“I don’t know!” Loki interrupted with a shout. His voice was loud and sharp, even to himself. He took a shaky breath, trying again but with some semblance of control, “I don’t know. That’s what is so maddening about it. It’s something I would do. But not you. You don’t plot like this if you weren’t invested some way. Tell me, why do you care about my brother and me…” He trailed off, unable to voice the desires within him.

“It’s not my damn fault you’re not willing to admit it,” Hela replied, her voice like nails on a chalkboard. “I’m sick of you two circling each other, waiting for the other to make a move.”

“He’s my brother!” Loki yelled. His fists were clenched so tightly it was painful.

“Is he? Truly? After all you’ve done to him and he’s done to you? After all the lies that Odin has spun? After all the thoughts you’ve tried to keep hidden but now are finally spilling onto your face every time you see him?” Hela ranted, sticking her face into Loki’s.

“You horrid witch! You have been locked away all my life and have no right to speak like you know _anything_ about me. You know nothing! Nothing!” Loki was crazed with outrage. His fists were glowing and he was nearly hyperventilating.

“I don’t need to know anything. Your anger is all the confirmation I need,” Hela calmly bragged.

Loki clutched a dagger, swinging his arm forward in hopes of hitting his sister. She gripped his arm, holding him steady.

“So desperate to hide away your emotions. Frigga would be ashamed,” Hela insulted, the words tearing through Loki like a sword.

“Don’t you dare speak her name.”

“Thor wants you too, Loki. You and I both can see that. He shakes with want every time you touch him,” Hela said, ignoring Loki’s command.

Loki was shaking now. Hela’s grip on his arm brutely tight. “Thor doesn’t know what he wants.”

Hela laughed. Her eyes glowed like the fire she was supposed to perish in. “You pretend like you hold back for his sake.”

“He doesn’t need a—”

“Save it. You’re afraid but not for him.” Hela voice was almost gentle as she continued to rip apart Loki’s soul. Anger flared in her again. “You’re a selfish, self-preserving little prince. You think you can just push away your feelings for him because you don’t want to get hurt.”

Loki squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears from falling. He breathed out, “You know nothing.”

“Self-serving decisions only lead to destruction. I know this, brother. As does Odin.”

Loki opened his eyes to see profound sorrow within Hela’s.

“Don’t make the same mistakes I did,” she said, her tone demanding but expression pleading.

Loki finally tore his arm from Hela’s grip and ran out of his own room.

“You can’t run away forever!” Hela called after him, the words ringing in Loki’s ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning for the next chapter to be the last. Hopefully I'll have it finished over the weekend. Right now, I'd say I have about a third complete. Also, the rating will definitely be going up next chapter. ;)
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! Tell me your favorite line, I always love it when commenters do that. And thanks for reading! <3


	3. golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The curse is broken, it seems, as I finished a WIP! Woohoo! I hope you enjoy this final chapter. And mind the rating change!

Loki awoke a few hours later. He had fallen asleep on a bench in one of the gathering spaces, under a large window he could stare up at mindlessly. As he did, Hela’s words echoed in his mind. He didn’t understand how she knew so much after spending so little time of him. Was he truly so obvious? She tore down every excuse Loki had ever built up and pointed out the true reason for his denial.

Loki felt exposed. Those barriers had been around him for so long. Hela took them down with such ease.

Loki knew he was near the second he awoke. He sat up, pushing some of his sleep-mussed hair back into place. “Brother,” he stated, not bothering to turn and look at him.

Thor was leaning against a table. His arms were crossed as he watched Loki. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of a delightful invention called beds,” Thor greeted.

Loki laughed, the sound coming from him suddenly. Despite the sleep, Loki still felt exhausted. “It’s nice to get a change of scenery once in a while.”

“I suppose,” Thor said as he pushed himself off the table. He sauntered closer to Loki. “But the frown on your face betrays that sentiment, brother.”

Damn him to Hel and back. He sat next to Loki, legs pressed against each other. Neither looked at their brother, simply stared out the window in front of them.

“I have to leave,” Loki admitted, for the first time to himself as well as Thor.

He felt like he was on a tightrope. For so long he had kept his balance. He had not fallen right into Thor’s arms, and for good reason. Hela’s a strong, persistent wind that grew stronger with each passing hour. Loki couldn’t go tumbling.

“What?” Thor’s eye was on him now, but Loki did not meet it. “You said…”

“I know what I said,” Loki sighed. He gripped his own knee, trying to control the emotions swirling inside him. “Plans change.”

“Whatever I did to wrong you—”

“You did nothing, Thor,” Loki assured, finally turning to look at him. “Nothing. You hear me?”

“I don’t understand. Was it our fight yesterday?” Thor was devastated. It made Hela’s words echo in Loki’s head once again.

_After all you’ve done to him and he’s done to you?_

_You’re a selfish, self-preserving little prince._

_You can’t run away forever!_

It was all her fault. She was meddling where she had no right to meddle. Loki clenched his jaw. Once she was gone, he would be free from her crushing gaze and sharp words.

Loki relaxed. “My apologies, Thor. I’m being irrational. I’m not leaving.”

There was no need to hurry out of Thor’s life. He didn’t need to run, only needed to rush a solution for Hela. Once she was gone, Loki would be in control again. He would not go tumbling.

“For once, I agree with you. I’m worried about you, Loki. What has caused these manic words?” Thor questioned. His voice was soft but filled with concern. Loki winced at it.

“I…” Loki began, the words almost leaving the tip of his tongue.

Silence followed. It was painful to Loki’s ears.

Thor wrapped an arm around Loki’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

Loki almost believed him.

\---

Loki was searching for a particular spell, one that revealed writing hidden by only the most powerful witches. He had found many blank pages in Frigga’s journals. Whatever she had hidden on them, he wanted to find. Secrets ran in the Odinson family, it appeared.

He sat at one of the tables in the library, a stack of books in hand. It was a familiar scene to Loki. Familiar, comforting, but also dreadfully boring. Maybe he had become predictable?

A book was set in front of him. It was small, the leather cover worn. Loki tilted his head up to find Heimdall gazing down upon him.

“Twenty-fourth page,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Loki wondered why Heimdall had not sought any conversation the past week. Between his odd behavior and then near-constant blocking of his gaze, he thought Heimdall would confront him. Perhaps he had bigger things to concern himself with then the silver-tongued wayward prince.

“Thank you,” Loki replied. He does not need to flip to that page to know it is the spell he was looking for. “But what is it you’re really here for?”

“Thor is happy,” Heimdall said. “I intend to keep it that way.”

Loki searched his golden eyes for any clue to how much he knew. “Gave him a scare this morning, did I?”

“He would be heartbroken if you left,” Heimdall replied honestly.

“As if I didn’t know that,” Loki said with a roll of his eyes. “Sentimental fool.”

Heimdall’s eyes roamed over the many books. “I sense strange magic in this ship. Do you as well?”

Loki thought he should lie. “Yes.” He didn’t.

Heimdall met Loki’s eyes again. “Will it cause us any harm?”

 _Is it you?_ was the unsaid question.

“I don’t think so,” Loki replied, again deciding to be truthful.

“I hope you know what you’re dealing with,” Heimdall responded.

 _Don’t get yourself killed,_ Loki translated.

“As do I,” Loki answered, giving the Gatekeeper a smirk. He stood in a fluid motion, his eyes finally level with the golden pair staring back at him. “Anything else?”

Heimdall was silent for a painstaking couple of seconds. Loki almost expected him not to reply. “I know it is not in your history to be honest, especially when you feel threatened, but I do hope you can move beyond the habits of the past.”

Loki squinted at him, half-confusion and half-intimidation. “What is there for me to be threatened by? Valkyrie’s biceps?”

Heimdall chuckled. “Not physically, Prince Loki.” Loki nearly backed away when Heimdall reached out for him. He pointed his finger at his chest. “It is plain to see you are still healing from the past bruises in here, but that does not mean you should avoid any situation that may lead to more.”

It was Loki’s turn to be silent, apparently. His mouth went dry. “And what if it feels as though I can not handle any more wounds.”

Heimdall smirked. “You are a Son of Odin. You are stronger than you think.”

With that, the Gatekeeper left.

\---

Tucked away in the library, Loki made a heart-stopping discovery in Frigga’s journal. He knew it was a solution to a problem he wasn’t sure he wanted to be solved, not yet anyway.

It would reveal Hela to whoever he cast it upon. He was sure of it. It described a situation so near to Hela’s it was truly damning. Loki wondered not for the first time just how much his mother had seen of the magical universe.

More importantly, it meant Loki was close. He knew the solution to Hela lay in his mother’s writings. He would find it soon, just as he promised her.

Loki wrote down the spell’s instructions on a small scrap of parchment. He placed it in one of his pockets so it will be nearby if he needs it. He hoped he wouldn’t. He hoped to keep this whole situation a secret, forever.

\---

Loki found himself sitting on the same bench he was the previous night. It was late, around the same time he had stormed out of his room after his argument with Hela. Loki still hadn’t seen her since. When he returned to his room from the library, he found it empty. He was equally relieved and concerned. He thought it best to go find her, just in case.

He did not find her. He searched all of the public places, not wanting the invade the private rooms of the citizens. He ended his search, taking refuge on the bench. His bench, he decided.

“You were in the library all day,” Thor’s voice said, startling Loki. An odd occurrence. Usually, it was the other way around.

Loki willed his heart to slow. “What wisdom do you have for me tonight? Here to tell me more about how crazy I am?” They’re bitter words but his tone is weary.

“No,” Thor stated, finally coming into Loki’s field of vision. “Only if you decide to announce another departure.”

Loki shook his head. “Only if you decide you’re tired of my presence here.”

Thor looked like he would deny such an outcome. He sat down next to Loki with a thud. “Whenever you were annoyed with me, you would hide away in the library all day. Sometimes I would go in and sit with you. You would remain dead silent until I got bored and left.”

“You barely lasted a minute,” Loki remembered. His eyes dropped down to his hands folded in his lap.

Thor hummed. “I could not stand sitting still for so long. Now, I would gladly sit with you all day.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t sit with me in the library at all today.”

“I thought you were still angry with me,” Thor admitted. “By the time I had decided I did not care, Korg dragged me away for the rest of the day.”

“I’m not angry with you.”

“So who are you angry with?” Thor questioned. “I suspect you were upset with someone this morning, but I wasn’t sure. Your behavior today shows me that I was correct in my assumption.”

“It’s… complicated.”

Thor’s hand came to rest on the back of Loki’s neck. A familiar touch, usually causing comfort or irritably to Loki. This time was no different, although Loki was having difficulty deciding which side his current emotions landed on.

“Do you often wonder what our lives would be like without our father’s secrets?” Thor asked suddenly, his lone eye peering at Loki was intense curiosity.

“Yes,” Loki answered. “Nearly every day of my existence for a near decade.”

Thor nodded. “You asked me what it felt like, being lied to,” he recalled and Loki perked up at his own words. “It hurts. It hurts because our people lost their homes over it, some their lives.”

“And you lost an eye,” Loki pointed out with a hint of a grin.

“I did, yes. It’s impossible to know what our lives would have been, had you known your heritage and had Hela not been kept locked away, but I think it would be better. Happier,” Thor theorized. He spoke with gentle conviction.

“I think so too,” Loki agreed. He waited for Thor to ask him to tell his secrets, to not make the same mistakes as their father.

To his surprise, he did not. He kept his eye on Loki and smiled. He finally let his hand fall away from Loki so he could stand up. “C’mon, you should go to your room.”

Loki stood too. Thor stepped forward, ready for them to make their way through the halls. Loki stopped him by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Wait.”

They were stood awkwardly close. The lights in the room were dimmed impossibly low. Loki could see nothing but Thor and the abyss of space in the window behind him. It would have been easy to lean forward. Loki could see if what Hela said was true, if Thor’s current subtle trembling was really for him.

Loki didn’t need too. He could see it on Thor’s face, plain and open and a little bit ignorant to it. It was endearing and terrifying. Loki wondered how many people could recognize it. Loki wondered if his face was the same.

Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, pulling him into a hug. Loki was thankful for it, having the decision to lean in swept away from him. Loki reciprocated the hug, letting Thor pull him in even closer. Loki buried his face in Thor’s golden hair and tried his best to ignore the electricity flowing into him.

\---

Eventually, Loki found his way back to his room. It was still empty. As he stepped inside, he farewelled Thor and wished him a good night’s rest. He looked tired, Loki hoped he wouldn’t spend up all night worry about Loki’s own nonsense. Thor promised he wouldn’t and left for his own chambers.

Loki fumbled with his clothes as he undressed for bed. It was hard to keep his mind from wandering to Thor, his power, his electricity, his closeness to Loki and how easy it would have been—

Loki grunted as he sat on his own bed. He put his face in his hands, willing the dizziness in him to go away. He felt sick and wondered if he was going to throw up.

It was all Hela’s fault, he reminded himself. It was not his fault, no matter what she said or he felt.

At that moment, all he felt was the dull ache from where Thor’s arms hugged him. He plunged backwards onto his bed, now laying on it. With his arms spread wide, he took several deep breaths. It didn’t soothe him as he hoped.

He closed his eyes, only to find so many eyes staring at him in the black void of his eyelids. Heimdall’s golden pair, all-knowing and wise. Hela’s frighteningly light eyes, evil as ever. The Valkyrie’s, humoured by his incompetence. A single blue eye, as familiar to Loki as his own. Everyone was watching him, everyone knew. And that single eye, it longed and begged for him.

Loki shuddered. The pairs of eyes all disappeared, only leaving the one. Thor’s face appeared, his expression soft and concerned. Sentimental. And unbelievably in love.

Loki had thought about Thor’s lips on his own far too many times. But it wasn’t until tonight that he realized he easily he could. Thor would thank him. Loki could almost taste the sting of electricity and smell the faint sizzling fragrance that would follow. He pushed himself further on the bed and waved his hand, ridding himself of his bedwear. His hands shook as he roamed his own body, mimicking what Thor might do if Loki let him.

Thor wouldn’t do anything until Loki did. It was a wicked twist of fate that the one time Loki wished Thor would be bold and courageous, he refused. Loki was in control of their relationship and how it moved from where they currently sat, somewhere between not-quite-enemies and not-quite-brothers. It felt like they were hurtling toward lovers, but Thor, for whatever idiotic reason, refused to make the first move.

And Hela, damn her, was right. Loki was frightened. His hands shook even more at the thought of confessing himself to Thor. Never one sentiment indeed. So much easier to let every fucking thing burn.

Loki pictured Thor’s face, up-close and barely illuminated, as he began to stroke himself. He groaned at the relief of it. Loki hadn’t had any time for self-pleasure with the Hela situation over his head.

With his free hand, he continued to roam his body. He knew what Thor’s touch would be like. Thor’s hands were roughened by battle, but he would do his best to make every sweep of his hand gentle. With his strength, he could easily manhandle Loki as he pleased. But Loki knew Thor would be soft and let Loki tell him what to do until the very end. Loki would revel in it, as Thor’s movements became as crazed as Loki felt. He wondered what he could get his brother to say, oh how he wanted to hear filthy things in that impossibly low voice of his.

A simple spell found Loki’s hand covered in oil. He reached down, spreading his legs wide apart. He wanted to keep up the act as Thor, but his impatience took over. His own fingers were not gentle like Thor’s, smooth and graceful, yes, but never gentle.

Loki let out a high moan as he screwed himself onto his fingers. The sound echoed around the room. All Loki could hear was his desperate whimpers and the filthy deeds of his hands. When he came, it was at the thought of Thor’s voice sighing Loki’s name and tears threatened to fall on his cheeks.

Loki slumped on his bed. His stomach was wet. He knew he should get up and clean himself. Yet, his limbs felt dead. He wondered for a moment if he was dead because the Goddess of Death was suddenly standing at the end of his bed.

He sat up instantly upon seeing her, hiding himself under magical clothing after a quick spell.

Her gaze was dangerous. Loki watched as she opened her mouth. “You’re pathetic,” she spat.

It had been years since Loki had felt such rage within him. He was so exhausted. He jumped out of bed, legs wobbly, and marched toward her. He threw every insult he knew at her, cursing her to Hel and back and wishing her another torturous demise at the hands of a fire demon.

And she, _damn her,_ stood as stoic as a statue with every verbal stab. Loki words tumbled into screams and shouts. When even mere loudest did not phase her, he began to throw things out her. Books, vases, shoes, and, eventually, punches.

She dodged every single one.

Then the door slammed upon and Thor was rushing inside. Loki tried to hit him too, but Thor hugged him from behind. His strong grip held Loki’s arms behind his back. Loki struggled in his arms, continuing to scream and threaten Hela. Thor’s breathing was erratic in Loki’s ears. He whispered pleas into his eras, nearing prayers, begging for Loki to calm himself or to tell him what he needed.

Eventually, Loki relaxed. His blood was still boiling, aided by the sudden electricity near him, but his chest synchronized with Thor’s. He looked away from Hela, focusing downward on the arms holding him. He regained the ability to speak coherently.

“I’m sorry,” Loki choked out. He realized his face was wet from tears.

“Hush, it’s okay,” Thor promised. Loki wanted to see his face. He tried to turn around in Thor’s hold. Thor finally let go of him, arms falling back at his side.

Loki’s eyes were drawn to Thor’s tear-streaked cheeks. His heart panged, wanting to apologize again. “I’m sorry, Thor—”

“It’s okay,” Thor repeated. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

Loki ached with indecisiveness. He wanted to tell Thor the truth, the whole truth. But he thought it best to choose one and go from there. Plus, his hands still shook at the thought of one. And they continued to do so as Loki pulled the scrap of paper from his pocket. He would tell Thor one secret tonight. The easier secret.

“I hope you can understand my reasons for not telling you sooner,” Loki began as his hands began their work. Hela appeared at Loki’s side, watching the glow of magic move from Loki’s hands to Thor’s head to herself. The light dimmed as the spell finished. Loki watched Thor’s eye widen.

“Hela?” he growled. He took a step forward, every inch of him ready for a battle.

“Thor, no, it’s okay,” Loki murmured, stepping in between his siblings and pushing against Thor’s chest. “She won’t hurt anyone.”

Hela’s laugh was hysteric and betrayed Loki’s promise. “What a fucked up little family reunion! I’m half-dead, Thor’s ready to finish me off, and a moment ago Loki was—”

Loki slapped a hand over Hela’s mouth. “Speak another word and I’ll help him kill you.”

Hela shook from his grip. “Alright, I’ll play nice if he does.” They turned back to focus on Thor, who was frozen in bewilderment.

“So she’s who you’ve been talking to?” he finally asked.

Loki nodded.

“Why is she here? Why couldn’t I see her?”

They all sat crammed on Loki’s couch, alternating between clumsy explanations of magic and Thor’s questioning. It struck Loki as odd, seeing Thor and Hela interact. Odin’s true children, kept apart for Thor’s lifetime. Loki filled that void, playing the part of a sibling while his real one of locked away.

Loki did his best to explain the spells he had used so far. Thor wasn’t well-versed in magic, even with a mother like Frigga. He nodded at the right moments, clearly trying his best to take it all in.

“I know the answers lie in Mother’s journals. It’s the only way I’ve gotten as far as I have,” Loki concluded on.

Thor hummed, his chin resting on his hand. His eye was focused on Hela and she stared back at him. “I’ll do my best to help you in any way you think I’m able, Loki,” he offered.

Loki longed to sleep, but Thor was here offering his aid. So, Loki stood. He walked over to his desk, picking up three journals that belonged to his mother. He gave one to both of his siblings. “Mark any pages that are blank, even partially so.”

Hela and Thor began to flip through the pages diligently. Loki moved to sit at the edge of his bed, paying no mind to the quiet conversation the pair were having on the other side of the room.

His fingers traced each page methodically, revealing small notes here and there. It was fascinating, Loki wanted to commit all of it to memory, but it was best to work fast. He needed Hela gone, especially before she said something revealing to Thor.

His attention was caught when Hela stood. Loki eyed her, ready to stop her from doing something ridiculous. Thor met his gaze, clearly in the same line of thinking. She turned between the two of them before giving them a smirk and walking out of the room.

“Hela!” Loki called after her, standing from his bed as Thor scrambled after her.

The door slammed shut behind her and Thor attempted to open it, but it did not budge. Loki rushed over, trying to open it too. The door stayed firmly shut.

“Hela! Let us out!” Loki shouted, frightened by the million possibilities of what the Goddess of Death might do with them locked away.

“Nope. I’ll let you out once your dear brother knows your other secret,” Hela’s voice replied, muffled by the door.

Ah. Loki stepped backwards as if he had been burned by the doorknob. It was almost a relief, knowing Hela was simply trying this again. It also caused his heart to leap up in his throat. His hand shook as he lowered it to his side.

Thor banged on the door again, trying to pry it open. “I can break—”

“Stop,” Loki said with sudden conviction.

Maybe it was because Loki was so thoroughly exhausted. Maybe it was because Loki had already spilled a secret that night. Maybe it was that Hela had finally worn him down. Loki was ready to forfeit.

Thor opened his mouth but Loki cut him off.

“I need you to be completely silent for five minutes. Can you do that?” Loki asked, his eyes open and pleading. Thor looked frightened but he nodded anyway.

Loki took a shaky breath. “I know you care for me deeply, more so than I deserve.” Thor looked like he wanted to disagree. Loki ignored it, continuing, “And I care for you as well. I love you, brother. Even at moments of pure anger and annoyance, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Thor breathed. Loki pressed a finger to his mouth to keep him quiet. They were stood impossibly close again, just like they were a few hours ago. And Loki marvelled at tremors in Thor’s body.

“I can no longer deny myself and my true feelings. I tried to for so long. Years and years, terrified by the thoughts in my head. I still do not know the extent of my desires, but I know that I do not want to spend a day without you at my side. I want you to know that every time I have left or hid from you, it was because I was scared of the heart beating in my chest. I am ready now to try this, whatever this is, if you want to. And I think you do,” Loki finished, moving his hand away from Thor’s lips.

The stood for a moment, just staring and breathing.

"Can I kiss you?" Thor asked, breath pouring over Loki's mouth. As if Loki hadn't been begging and pleading for him to do just that. Thor pushed Loki against the door that Hela had locked. "Say it, Loki, please. Do you want me?"

Yes, of course. Loki wanted it. But Loki wanted so many things. It was so far beyond that. Loki reached up to grasp Thor's cheek. "I need you, Thor."

When Thor's mouth collides with Loki's forcefully, causing his head to crash into the door. Loki would make a remark at Thor's roughness, but his tongue was preoccupied and mind dizzy with passion and electricity.

Thor’s hand gripped Loki’s hips, pulling him flush against him. Loki groaned at the feeling of the bulge in Thor’s leather pants against his, Thor swallowing the sound in their open-mouthed kiss.

Thor pulled back from the kiss, tugging on Loki’s shirt and grunting, “Off.”

Loki removed the clothes with his magic easily, as he wasn’t really wearing them to begin with. His face flushed, remembering what he had been doing before Hela had interrupted him.

“You too,” Loki moaned as Thor leaned down to lick Loki’s bare chest. Thor ignored the request. His hands slipped down to Loki’s ass, kneading it and kissing a whimper to slip between Loki’s lips. One blunt finger slid between, feeling the slickness there from Loki’s previous activities. Thor stiffened, moving to meet Loki’s eyes.

“You…” Thor breathed.

“I was thinking of you,” Loki admitted, feeling drunk on the darkness in Thor’s eye. “Hela snuck in here and I—”

“You were yelling because—”

“She called me pathetic—”

Thor cut off the statement with another rough kiss. Loki sighed at the sound of Thor’s clothes being removed. Once his pants were tossed onto the floor, Loki reached down to grip Thor’s cock. Hot and heavy in his hand, and Thor groaned at his slim fingers wrapping around it.

“Oil?” Thor choked out.

“You don’t really think you’re going to fuck me against this door, do you?” Loki laughed into Thor’s ear.

With that, Loki was carried to his bed. They tumbled onto it, Thor trapping Loki beneath him. Loki squirmed a bit as Thor’s hair tickled his face. Thor spread Loki’s legs, slotting between them with ease. His fingers found their way to his hole, circling there.

“Do you need—”

“No!” Loki interrupted, bordering on hysteric. He felt still felt stretched enough from when he fucked himself on his fingers. “Just fuck me Thor. We’ve waited long enough.”

Thor hesitated, but ultimately agreed with the sentiment. Loki soon felt Thor’s cock rub against him before slowly pushing in. Thor tried to keep his movements languid. Loki wasn’t having it, he wanted Thor in him here and now.

“Loki,” Thor moaned as Loki tried to push against him.

“C’mon, Thor, c’mon,” Loki pleaded. “You can be all nice and gentle some other time. Right now, I need it as fast as you can give it to me.”

It turned out that Thor could give it quite fast. It was a bit embarrassing, how fast Loki came. Thor’s name was on his lips as he did so. Thor didn’t seem to mind and came soon after. Loki had never felt better, all things considered.

Loki was pinned under Thor, who was nearing slumber with each passing moment. Loki poked the side of his face, wondering aloud, “Wanna go again?”

“Loki,” Thor groaned. “I’m tired.”

Loki chuckled, his own eyelids feeling heavy. “Yeah, okay. Sweet dreams.”

Thor kissed him before rolled off of him. They snuggled under the covers, arms wound tightly around the other. Neither of them had any trouble sleeping.

\---

Thor had his head in Loki’s lap as he read through his mother’s journals. One hand in Thor’s blond hair, the other holding the book. It was mid-morning. Luckily, no one had stopped by to wonder to Loki where their king was. Loki smiled, knowing Heimdall must be keeping them away.

Thor was snoring away. Loki kept finding himself distracted by the peaceful, golden face lying on him. Loki’s heart felt full in ways he didn’t know was possible.

When he made the discovery, he gasped, awaking Thor.

“What is it?” Thor asked with a sleep-ridden voice.

“I’ve found it!” Loki cheered. “A spell for wayward spirits. It helps them find their way to their afterlife.”

Thor’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes!” Loki grinned, moving to leave the bed.

“Wait,” Thor stated, grabbing Loki by the arm. “Stay in bed. Just a few more minutes.”

It was hard to resist the temptation. Thor had a suggestive look in his eye that made Loki think he was finally ready for another round. Yes, hard to resist indeed. So he didn’t.

Loki straddled Thor, pulling him into a deep kiss.

\---

Hela winced at the gratuitous moans and groans coming from her brother’s chambers. She quickly turned and walked down the hallway, fleeing the imaginative words aimed at Thor from Loki’s silver-tongue.

She found her mother at the end of the hall, looking out a window at the stars. Her mother looked every bit regal and ethereal as a spirit. She had a faint golden glow around her.

“Happy now?” Hela asked, letting her annoyance seep into her words.

“Stop it. I know you care for them,” Frigga spoke, her voice soothing to Hela’s ears.

“Am I free to go now?” Hela questioned, tipping an eyebrow up.

Frigga smiled and nodded. “You did a good deed, Hela. You should be proud.”

“I didn’t see how getting my brothers to fuck is a good deed,” Hela groaned, trying to erase the pictures in her mind. “But, fine, if it means I can die in peace.”

“You have brought happiness to the King and Prince of Asgard, ensuring peaceful times are ahead for our people. Now, let’s go. Your father wants to see you,” Frigga explained calmly. She reached out toward Hela, casting a spell on her. Hela felt the tingle of her magic. It was very similar to Loki’s. She began to glow like her mother.

Hela sighed, content with peace for once in her long life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading all the way through! <3 Kudos and comments are appreciated!


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